10 Tips for Dealing with Difficult Neighbors

I found myself asking this week – why, why why???

I’m big on the idea of self-governing meanomg you govern your own children, your pets, your property and don’t place anyone else in the embarrassing position of having to correct you, your pets, your kids etc. Now that’s not to say that you shouldn’t  at least have a chat with someone if their children or pets are misbehaving but keep it in proportion and pick your battles WISELY!

I’m in a situation where driving past one particular neighbor is actually driving me crazy to the point that I’m planning to get tint on my car windows. I know that sounds extreme doesn’t it? I think something that I didn’t realize until much, much later in life was that some people don’t and will never be able to take other peoples points of view into consideration. That is such a foreign concept to me that when I find a person like that I stay far, far away. Most everyone in my circle of friends tends to be respectful of the opinion of others, rights of others to train their children the way they see fit, worship as they choose (we’re not talking cult worship here but within reason) and live their own lives. And, what makes things even worse is when those neighbors or people that are being difficult in your life are the Bible bearing neighbors. The ones that are sure they get to pass judgment because they are reading the Good Book of God yet forget the place where it says we’re all equal in the eyes of the Lord. Ughh.

Well here my 10 Tips for Dealing with Difficult People (especially neighbors)

1) Stand your ground. Find the most kind way to say what you have to say without being cruel or disrespectful but stand your ground. You don’t need to sacrifice principles, your religious faith, the upbringing of your kids etc

2) Don’t keep silent about your problem. Silence can be misconstrued for agreement.

3) Don’t gossip. It’s ok to ask a neighbor or friend if they’re experiencing a similar or same problem with those neighbors but don’t turn it into a gossip session no matter how much you need to vent.

4) Don’t shut them up so they’ll leave – this is a hard one because sometimes it’s easier to agree to make an unruly neighbor go away but that truly compromises your integrity so don’t do it. It’s ok to leave a discussion and disagree so long as you’re respectful

5) Do your best to solve any problems without the police whenever possible. Once the police are involved you never know what is going to happen and it’s something that you can’t take back. I once had a teen steal gas from our gas can in the shed to go out driving on a Saturday night. I spoke to the parents and never had the issue again. I could have called the police but really it would have turned into a mess. It was a dumb thing for the teen to do but kids do sometimes make stupid mistakes.

6) Listen, listen listen – It’s really temping to launch into your own agenda when addressing a difficult situation but above all be sure to listen to the other person so they feel heard and understood. It doesn’t mean you have to agree but frequently just the act of listening and understanding can avoid difficult feelings in the future.

7) Problem solve – After you’ve had a chance to listen to how their feeling and their thoughts it’s time to quit complaining and get to problem solving. Go over this in your head and try and think of 3 ways to solve the problem before you meet to chat. The conversation may not go in the direction you had hoped for but at least you’ll have come up with ideas to help in the event you get to that point.

8) Avoid name calling and labeling at all cost. Statements that start with “You think” or “You can’t” or “You’re just a” will get you no where FAST. Don’t do it!

9) Acknowledge their issue and your own – If you can tell the person is frustrated then say, “I can see that you’re really frustrated over this issue.” Be sure to let them know how you’re feeling over the issue as well

10)End it – If after all of your efforts you are stuck at an impasse on a situation that is totally unacceptable with a negative person or in my case a Bible yielding neighbor that passes judgment all over the place but doesn’t think that they do then END IT, politely as possibly.